So today, a client called and as she narrated her problems, she kept apologizing for her feelings – ‘I am sorry for being so negative’; ‘I know I shouldn’t be sad’; I wish I could be positive’ and so on. This made me wonder, why do we feel sorry if we feel any negative emotion and why is there a pressure to always be in a positive frame of mind?
Ask any philosopher and they’ll tell you, the path of individuation asks for total integration of all facets of the self: good, bad, and ugly! We shouldn’t get discouraged by difficult moments and emotions, and push them away or diminish someone else’s experience by encouraging fake positivity. Because, when we stop and honor difficult emotions, we have the opportunity to live fully and integrate all parts of ourselves. These bottled down feelings will continue to torment us until we stop running from them—and from the truth of who we are.
Being human also means facing suffering. Why do we disown difficult experiences? There is no light without darkness and no joy without sadness. If we don’t experience the length and breadth of all feelings, we have no basis for comparison. If we run from certain emotions by staying busy, expressing fake positivity, or abusing mood-altering substances, we are cutting away half our existence, aren’t we?
Uncovering and understanding the self is a lifelong journey that demands the rejection of conventional attitudes and the mask of positivity. If we can just allow ourselves space and acceptance to be multifaceted, we will surely experience life to its fullest.
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